In less than two weeks, I will be jobless. This is conflicting to me- while I’m looking forward to “me time,” I’ve also never been voluntarily unemployed for a length of time since I was 16. My current job is a fairly perfect fit; I get to use not only my biology degree, but my highly multi-disciplinary coursework has supported me, from technical writing to computer programming. I’ve gotten to spend a summer out camping and hiking, develop and present original research, and even learned how to use some new power tools. Since fall 2009, I have lived and breathed evolutionary biology… and that’s the problem.
I am not a type A individual. Never have been- I fail miserably at putting full effort into things that don’t interest me. However, for that which does interest me, I throw myself into it without hesitation (this is reflected in my undergraduate GPA, as my major GPA is close to a 4.0, while overall it’s a measly 3.3). For most of my life, this has served me well- however, working in a place I’ve thrown myself into has worn me down.
Were my job something other than transitory, it would be different. However, as it is, I am not only working full-time, but also juggling my social life, my marriage, and my household. I can keep up with, oh, 3 of the 4, but when I try to work with all of them, they all become neglected in some form. And just try to throw in some semblance of studying for the GRE…. riiiiiiiiight.
I may not be one, but I grew up around type A people, and so have the expectations for myself as I would if I were type A. This leads to an amazing amount of stress as I constantly let myself down, sleepless nights because I can’t stop thinking about all the things that need to be done, and a continual habit of taking on more than I keep up with (not a marathon runner here!).
And so, when the stress was making me grind my teeth and want to scream, the Army did a timely step in- they gave my husband orders to move to Washington state. I decided to move with him, leaving Texas and everything in it behind, and gave my boss my notice. For the first time since I was a teenager, I am going to take the time to relax, de-stress, and get to know myself and re-know my husband. I am going to explore, have adventures, and try to avoid situations where I inevitably put myself down. And I am going to confront and beat down that part of me that wants to stay inside my comfort zone.
I will be vivacious.
I will know myself.